Why Bikes Like Beer. This Might Become an Anthology.

A friend of mine posted this question: “Why do bike rides always make me crave beer?”

While my first reaction was, “why ask why? Just go with a good thing when a good thing’s going,” I realize now that there is a logical and poetic answer to this question.

First, you must accept the premise that bikes have souls. And these souls allow them to think, feel, talk, and get hungry, thirsty, and tired. You must accept that premise. Because it is truth.

Now, because bikes have souls, they care. And if you’re lucky, your bike cares about you, its rider. I’ll get to the beer in a second. As your bike’s rider, you must establish a partnership with your bike. This requires you both to respect your bike and to earn your bike’s respect.

Respecting your bike is the first step. It should not be hard to respect your bike, but it might be hard work some times. You’ve got to put in the effort. This starts by easing into your bike’s life. No bike wants to be taken out and dragged through the mud for 100 miles up a mountain on it’s first encounter with you, especially if that bike has just broken up with another rider, a.k.a a used bike…but don’t call him that. Would you want your boyfriend to call you his “used girlfriend?” That’s not respecting your bike. You should never just assume that your bike likes you because you paid for it.

In fact, you should earn a little respect from your bike before you adopt it. To adopt a bike that will become your partner in two-wheeled crime, you must first accept the second premise (start keeping track because there are a lot of premises (premii?): the bike chooses the rider. The bike chooses the rider.

Your mission now is to marinate on that for a day or two, and in the meantime ask yourself and your bike what this question means. It’s pretty loaded, I admit. I will be back with an answer, but for you to fully appreciate that answer, you must wait. And it’s beer-thirty.

 

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